Krzysztof Alcer and Grzegorz Lepianka have been waiting for Poland to officially recognise their relationship for 21 years. But as the wait drags on, their anger is growing, their patience wearing thin.
The Catholic country’s main ruling party had pledged to legalise civil unions. Six months into its tenure however, same-sex couples still cannot marry or register their partnerships in this EU member state.
And this is despite a December ruling of the European Court of Human Rights condemning Poland for having failed to recognise and protect same-sex couples. That followed complaints lodged by Alcer and Lepianka, among others.
Looking back at that when they heard about the ruling, Alcer, 44, told AFP: “Back then, we had great hopes, great optimism, and we thought that things would go very quickly.
“My hope, my optimism… I don’t have it in me anymore. It’s dead,” he added.
“What’s left is frustration and anger.”
– ‘Political games’ –
Prime Minister Donald Tusk included the civil unions pledge high up in his Civic Coalition party’s manifesto.
After ousting the right-wing populist Law and Justice (PiS) party in last October’s elections, Tusk vowed to proceed with the legislation “before winter’s end”.
By the spring of 2024 however, Alcer and Lepianka had seen no change.
The conservative PSL farmers party, part of the ruling coalition, has expressed opposition to the project. The resulting dispute inside the coalition is widely thought to be behind the delay.
“It’s terrifyingly sad…,” said 42-year-old Lepianka. “We are simply thrown around like a sack of potatoes.”
He blamed the “political games” of the ruling parties for the legal limbo they and other same-sex couples found themselves in.
Because of the lack of legislation recognising their partnerships, couples resort to civil-law contracts to regulate ownership or inheritance rights.
But that does not exempt them from paying inheritance tax, Alcer explained.
“If I die suddenly, Grzegorz won’t be able to afford the inheritance tax…,” he said. “It’s so high that he’ll simply lose our shared apartment.”
– Coming out ‘every day’ –
For Ola and Karolina, being mothers of two in Poland takes a lot of paperwork.
“I have to explain each time that I have power of attorney from Ola to take my children to the doctor, to pick them up from kindergarten, to share information about them at the nursery,” said 34-year-old Karolina.
“I used to think that there would only be one coming-out, that I would come out in front of myself, my friends, my family. And now I feel like I do it every day,” she added.
To Ola and Karolina, who have been together for 12 years, marriage equality is their “biggest dream”. They even considered moving abroad to enjoy full rights — but ended up abandoning the idea.
“We have our families here, we have our parents, our apartments, our businesses, our children go to school and we don’t want to run away forever. Yes, we want to live here,” Ola, 41, told AFP.
As their mothers spoke to AFP, the children laughed and played in the living room. To protect them, the couple had declined to be identified by their full names.
– 20 years of waiting –
Alcer and Lepianka also considered leaving the country, but ultimately decided to stay.
“There’s a registry office just downstairs,” said Lepianka, pointing outside their central Warsaw flat. “We always thought we’d come down there one Saturday and just get married.
“When we were entering the European Union (in 2004), it seemed to us that it would happen soon. Many years have passed since then and we are exactly where we were,” he added — but his partner disagreed.
“We are not at the same point. We are 20 years older,” said Alcer.
“This situation has really taken away a lot of happiness from us, a lot of chances for a better life — and that will never come back.”
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