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Janelle Brown<\/a>\u00a0is sharing how her first Mother’s Day without son\u00a0<\/span>Garrison Brown<\/a>\u00a0went, including the “destined” sweet treat she baked in his honor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n In a touching Instagram post on Monday, the <\/span>Sister Wives<\/span><\/em> star and mom of six, 55, shared a photo of a delectable-looking strawberry rhubarb pie she made from scratch — which she told her followers was a “bittersweet” nod to her late son.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n “Mother’s Day was surprisingly emotional for me,” she began her post. “It just never has been a big holiday for me. My children have always shown up for me and made me feel special everyday. Especially since they became independent adults and weren’t home all the time.”<\/span><\/p>\n “But this year was different,” Janelle — who also is mom to Logan, 29, Madison, 27, Hunter, 27, Gabriel, 22, and Savannah, 19 — continued.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n In March, Janelle and her ex-husband, <\/span>Kody Brown<\/a>, <\/span>lost their fourth child together<\/a> to suicide. The Flagstaff Police Department\u00a0<\/span>confirmed in a statement to ET<\/a>\u00a0at the time that they were dispatched to Garrison’s residence and found him dead after being called by his younger brother, Gabriel.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n According to Janelle — who has kept her social media followers updated on her progress, including <\/span>her first birthday<\/a> and <\/span>Easter without Garrison<\/a> \u2014 the Mother’s Day pie she whipped up was clandestine as the ingredients came together seamlessly and it just so happened to be a favorite of Garrison\u2019s.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAll weekend I felt the grief so close to the surface. And it was especially poignant when I made this simple pie,” she wrote. “Our strawberry picking excursion combined with the fact that I randomly found rhubarb at the local farmers market made it feel like this pie was destined.”<\/span><\/p>\n Janelle continued, “Strawberry Rhubarb is a huge favorite at our house and maybe no one loved it more than Garrison. And that made this pie a little bitter sweet.”<\/span><\/p>\n Closing out her post, the mom and reality TV star sent a message to Garrison, writing: “I love you honey and miss you every day.”<\/span><\/p>\n Just last week, <\/span>ET obtained a copy of the medical examiner’s autopsy report<\/a>, which ruled Garrison\u2019s manner of death as a suicide caused by a gunshot wound to the head. The report also noted that the<\/span>\u00a0Sister Wives<\/span><\/i>\u00a0star’s blood alcohol level (BAL) was as high as .370% and that ethanol intoxication — aka alcohol poisoning — is considered a contributing factor in the death.<\/span><\/p>\n According to the\u00a0<\/span>University of Rochester<\/a>, a BAL of .3% or greater causes a person to be in a “stupor” and have “little comprehension of where you are.” A BAL of .35% or greater “also happens to be the level of surgical anesthesia. You may stop breathing at this point.”<\/span><\/p>\n In early May, just weeks after what would have been <\/span>Garrison’s 26th birthday<\/a>, Janelle <\/span>celebrated a birthday of her own<\/a>, which she used to reconnect with nature and get back into gardening.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n “I’ll be spending a lot of the summer in NC with Maddie, Caleb and the kids so Maddie and I have made big plans for a garden. I am looking forward to learning how to grow veggies in a climate that has such a long season and way more moisture than I’m used to,” she wrote in an Instagram.<\/span><\/p>\n The TLC star also spent Easter with Maddie, sharing\u00a0a gorgeous photo from a North Carolina beach where she was staying with her daughter and grandkids. Maddie, Janelle’s eldest daughter, married Caleb Brush in 2016 and the pair share kids Axel, 6,\u00a0Evangalynn, 4, and\u00a0Josephine, 1.<\/span><\/p>\n “Happy Easter everyone!” Janelle captioned the photos. “I have been even more grateful for my faith this year. The remembrance of the Savior and His gift of eternal life.”<\/span><\/p>\n If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to\u00a0<\/span><\/i>suicidepreventionlifeline.org<\/i><\/a>.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n