{"id":3434,"date":"2023-10-25T05:22:39","date_gmt":"2023-10-25T09:22:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/world\/as-ukraine-war-grinds-on-widows-try-to-see-life-after-loss\/25\/10\/2023\/"},"modified":"2023-10-25T05:22:39","modified_gmt":"2023-10-25T09:22:39","slug":"as-ukraine-war-grinds-on-widows-try-to-see-life-after-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/world\/as-ukraine-war-grinds-on-widows-try-to-see-life-after-loss\/25\/10\/2023\/","title":{"rendered":"As Ukraine War Grinds On, Widows Try to See Life After Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Maria and her husband, Artem, dreamed of visiting the Grand Canyon. Alyona and Ilya fantasized about building a bar, with a stage for local musicians. Yulia and Oleksandr talked about taking a road trip in the mountains.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Their dreams endure. Only now, as war widows, Maria, Alyona and Yulia are being encouraged by a support group to consider pursuing them alone, as a way to deal with their grief about the deaths of their spouses in battle in Ukraine and to reintegrate themselves into society.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Among the many grim statistics of war \u2014 soldiers killed or wounded, territory lost and retaken, rockets fired and buildings destroyed \u2014 is the number of widows left behind. In Ukraine, where almost 20 months of fighting has settled into a grinding counteroffensive in which recent progress has been <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2023\/09\/02\/world\/europe\/ukraine-russia-counteroffensive.html\" title=\"\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">measured in yards rather than miles<\/a>, that somber total grows every day.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Ukraine closely guards the number of its soldiers who have been killed, a figure it considers a national security secret. <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2023\/08\/18\/us\/politics\/ukraine-russia-war-casualties.html\" title=\"\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">U.S. officials have suggested<\/a> at least 70,000 Ukrainian fighters have been killed in action. If true, that means Ukraine may now be a country with tens of thousands of new widows.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div>\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cOur society was not ready to face such scale of grief,\u201d said Maria Verbovska, 33, who had long planned to visit the Grand Canyon with her husband, Artem, before he died last year in the siege of Mariupol. \u201cI do not know what to do with my feelings for him.\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"css-79elbk\" data-testid=\"photoviewer-wrapper\">\n<div data-testid=\"photoviewer-children\" class=\"css-1a48zt4 e11si9ry5\">\n<figure class=\"img-sz-small css-1189og3 e1g7ppur0\" aria-label=\"media\" role=\"group\"><figcaption class=\"css-1ybnr6m ewdxa0s0\"><span aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"css-jevhma e13ogyst0\">Maria Verbovska\u2019s husband, Artem, was killed last year fighting for Ukraine in Mariupol.<\/span><span class=\"css-1u46b97 e1z0qqy90\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1tej78p0\">Credit&#8230;<\/span><span><span aria-hidden=\"false\">via Maria Verbovska<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">For any country, coping with a long war requires understanding and addressing the needs of potentially thousands of widows. On the other side of this war, in Russia, that has included <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2022\/11\/04\/world\/europe\/missing-russian-soldiers.html\" title=\"\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">frustrations with the government over a lack of information about missing loved ones, and over payments to survivors<\/a>. In Ukraine, support groups sometimes try to focus on balancing disparate needs: educating society to accept bereaved people, while encouraging widows to resume, and hopefully enjoy, normal lives.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Those who have lost loved ones in war often freeze in their feelings, said Viktoria Herashchenko, a co-founder of a support group for Ukrainian war widows.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">They may stop paying attention to everyday events like family gatherings and stop reading the news, she said. They may forget about food, and even about their own children. Simple daily events, like seeing a happy family in a grocery store or a father playing with children at a playground, can become powerful triggers. And even the strongest relationships can fray.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div>\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cSome people ignore the widows, because they do not know what to say,\u201d Ms. Herashchenko said. \u201cThe opposite also happens. Some people pay too much attention, and widows find it hard.\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"css-79elbk\" data-testid=\"photoviewer-wrapper\">\n<div data-testid=\"photoviewer-children\" class=\"css-1a48zt4 e11si9ry5\">\n<figure class=\"img-sz-small css-1189og3 e1g7ppur0\" aria-label=\"media\" role=\"group\"><figcaption class=\"css-1ybnr6m ewdxa0s0\"><span aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"css-jevhma e13ogyst0\">Alyona and her husband, Ilya, who died fighting for Ukraine on the southern front last year. They had hoped to open a bar and music venue together.<\/span><span class=\"css-1u46b97 e1z0qqy90\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1tej78p0\">Credit&#8230;<\/span><span><span aria-hidden=\"false\">via Alyona Prokopenko<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">The initiative that created a support group for Ukrainian war widows is called I Live, My Love. It is one of a dozen or so organizations aimed at assisting the large and expanding community of widows in Ukraine.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Herashchenko, a psychologist, had experience helping Ukrainian army families since 2014, when Russia first intervened militarily in Ukraine. After the full-scale invasion by Russian forces in February 2022, she made helping widows her sole focus.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Her daughter, Yaryna, with whom she co-founded the initiative, is not a widow but, like nearly everyone in Ukraine, she has a painful connection with its human toll after recently losing a close friend.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div>\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Each new member of the group arrives with a very personal sense of loss.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Yulia Fatyeeva, 43, was a decade older than her husband, Oleksandr Khokhlov, when they met. She had not thought their relationship would result in marriage, she admitted, when they began dating. \u201cBut he proved to me that he was very reliable,\u201d she said. \u201cAnd we both really wanted a baby.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">When she learned that Mr. Khokhlov had been killed in a tank battle, she said she lost consciousness. She still finds it hard to believe he is gone. \u201cIn the coffin he didn\u2019t look like himself,\u201d she said. After the funeral she dreamed of him. \u201cHe stood up and told me, \u2018I\u2019m alive, don\u2019t cry, I\u2019m good.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"css-79elbk\" data-testid=\"photoviewer-wrapper\">\n<div data-testid=\"photoviewer-children\" class=\"css-1a48zt4 e11si9ry5\">\n<figure class=\"img-sz-small css-1189og3 e1g7ppur0\" aria-label=\"media\" role=\"group\"><figcaption class=\"css-1ybnr6m ewdxa0s0\"><span aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"css-jevhma e13ogyst0\">Yulia Fatyeeva with her late husband, Oleksandr Khokhlov and their daughter, Alisa.<\/span><span class=\"css-1u46b97 e1z0qqy90\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1tej78p0\">Credit&#8230;<\/span><span><span aria-hidden=\"false\">via Yulia Fatyeeva<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Widows, those running support groups said, often have a sensation that their dead spouses are still with them. It is a feeling that I Live, My Love tries acknowledges in its counseling by encouraging its members to hold on to the dreams they once shared as couples, and to do so without the sense that they have to leave their dead partners behind.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Each support group meets weekly for eight weeks and then once a month, to preserve a connection with others who have endured the same kind of loss. \u201cIt is important not to leave the women behind, but always be here for them,\u201d Yaryna Herashchenko, the co-founder, said.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div>\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cI understand that it will never be as before, but I really want to be confident about my tomorrow,\u201d said Oksana Tymchuk, who lost her husband in January. She knows others, even those close to her, will move on more quickly. \u201cSome say I will suffer for a while and marry again,\u201d Ms. Tymchuk said. \u201cBut all was wonderful between us. They don\u2019t understand.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Therapy, she said, \u201cgave me the possibility to do something for myself.\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"css-79elbk\" data-testid=\"photoviewer-wrapper\">\n<div data-testid=\"photoviewer-children\" class=\"css-1a48zt4 e11si9ry5\">\n<figure class=\"img-sz-small css-1189og3 e1g7ppur0\" aria-label=\"media\" role=\"group\"><figcaption class=\"css-1ybnr6m ewdxa0s0\"><span aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"css-jevhma e13ogyst0\">Oksana Tymchuk and her husband, Dmytro, in the last photo they took together before he died.<\/span><span class=\"css-1u46b97 e1z0qqy90\"><span class=\"css-1ly73wi e1tej78p0\">Credit&#8230;<\/span><span><span aria-hidden=\"false\">via Oksana Tymchuk<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">In the frontline city of Zaporizhzhia in southern Ukraine, participants in I Live, My Love sessions are encouraged to re-adapt to being in society by spending time in group activities. They breathe together in yoga. They do one another\u2019s makeup. They hike in the forest.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">They begin, with the help of counselors and other members, to begin to see a future for themselves.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Alyona Prokopenko, whose husband, Ilya, was killed in trench fighting on the southern front in October last year, has had an idea for the bar they had planned to open. She will decorate it with printed quotations from what she remembers her husband saying.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Ms. Fatyeeva, who is 43, said she plans to fix the blue car she and Oleksandr shared, which had broken down, and drive it with their daughter on a mountain road.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Psychologists suggested that Ms. Verbovska follow through on the dream she and Artem once shared about visiting the Grand Canyon. She is considering making the trip. \u201cI will see it for both of us,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-798hid etfikam0\">Andrew E. Kramer contributed reporting from Kyiv, Ukraine.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2023\/10\/25\/world\/europe\/ukraine-war-widows.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">Source link <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Maria and her husband, Artem, dreamed of visiting the Grand Canyon. Alyona and Ilya fantasized about building a bar, with a stage<br \/><button class=\"read-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/world\/as-ukraine-war-grinds-on-widows-try-to-see-life-after-loss\/25\/10\/2023\/\">Read More &rsaquo;<\/a><\/button><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13157,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3434"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3434"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3434\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13157"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3434"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3434"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newssprinters.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3434"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}