\n<\/p>\n
Colbert pointed out that most Americans want bans on assault-style weapons and for Congress to take action to prevent more mass shootings, yet no one on either side of the aisle has successfully stopped them from happening.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cSo, ask your representative, \u2018What will you do?\u2019 If they don\u2019t have an answer immediately at hand, if they say it\u2019s too soon to talk about this, that means they\u2019ve never really given it any serious thought. Because they\u2019ve had plenty of time since Uvalde and Marjory Stoneman Douglas and Sandy Hook and the Pulse nightclub. So if they don\u2019t have an answer now, they will never have an answer.\u201d \u2014 STEPHEN COLBERT<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
He expressed disappointment over a lack of new ideas from recently elected House speaker Mike Johnson, \u201ca self-professed devoutly religious man,\u201d who offered little comfort to Americans in a statement during his first day in office, which amounted to little more than thoughts and prayers.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWe\u2019re already capable of hope and prayer ourselves. You\u2019re capable of governing, theoretically. And I\u2019m sorry if that sounds like too hard of a job for you. If that seems like too hard of a job, you know who\u2019s really got a hard job now? The people in Lewiston, Maine.\u201d \u2014 STEPHEN COLBERT<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cAnd there are very few people like Mainers. I know Mainers. I love Mainers. They\u2019re strong people. They\u2019ve got Moxie \u2014 literally, it\u2019s the name of the official state soft drink. It tastes like carbonated cough syrup, but they drink it anyway, \u2019cause Mainers are tough. These are people whose idea of a beach is a collection of jagged rocks near freezing water. Their state flower, the Maine state flower \u2014 and this is true \u2014 is a frickin\u2019 pine cone!\u201d \u2014 STEPHEN COLBERT<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I dare anyone in power to show a fraction of the courage of all the families who have faced their tragedies and faced our failure to change.\u201d \u2014 STEPHEN COLBERT<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
The Punchiest Punchlines (Getting to Know You Edition)<\/h2>\n
\n\u201cRepublicans yesterday elected Mike Johnson the 56th speaker of the House, which is crazy \u2019cause a month ago, we were only at 12.\u201d \u2014 SETH MEYERS<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cMeanwhile, earlier today, Mike Johnson met with President Biden for the first time since becoming speaker. Johnson is pretty famous for being an election denier, so it got pretty awkward when he said, \u2018Good to meet you, \u2018President Biden. \u2019\u201d \u2014 JIMMY FALLON<\/em><\/p>\n
\u201cBut the meeting was very friendly. Biden even invited Johnson to pet his dog.\u201d \u2014 JIMMY FALLON<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n